What happens when your surrogate goes into labour? Will you be present for the birth? How many people are allowed in the delivery room? Does Ashley’s husband feel weird about your husband being in the room while she’s in labour?
These are just some of the questions we’ve been hearing as we approach baby’s due date. As first-time parents by surrogacy matched with a first-time surrogate, we’re all navigating new territory. While we understand that things don’t always go to plan, we’ve discussed a plan that we feel will best support all of our needs as baby finally makes his or her appearance.
What’s the first step when your surrogate goes into labour?
If Ashley starts to feel contractions, she will be sure to give us a call. Since we live about two hours from the hospital, we’ll make our way to meet her there as soon as we can. We will already have our car seat installed and hospital bag in the car so that we don’t waste any time once things are in motion. Zane will definitely be the one driving because I’m going to be pretty anxious as we make that drive!
Who is going to be in the hospital room during labour?
We think it’s important that Ashley feels supported throughout the labour and delivery process, meaning she deserves a designated support person at all times – in her case, her husband. He’s a wonderful and supportive partner to her, and has become a great friend to us, so we are incredibly lucky that he’s been on Team Baby Colt with us throughout this journey.
As for us – the plan is for both of us to be in the room with Ashley and her husband throughout labour and delivery, with flexibility so that if Ashley feels the need for a little space we can give her some privacy and come back shortly.
How many people does the hospital allow in the room during labour and delivery?
I don’t know what the maximum number is – only that they’ve assured us that the three of us are totally fine given our situation. I imagine the rules can differ from hospital to hospital, as well as from patient to patient based on their risk levels.
Do Ashley (or Ashley’s husband) feel weird about your husband being in the delivery room?
We had this discussion very early in the matching process, and the short answer is no. If and when she (or the doctors) ask us to leave the room, we will absolutely do so. Ashley’s comfort level is top priority. Ultimately this is about offering respect and dignity to everyone in the room. A surrogacy journey overall is collaborative, but we are also understanding of the fact that labouring can be a personal, intimate process. What works for one surrogate-Intended Parent match doesn’t necessarily work for another, and that’s ok.
Will you and your husband do sleep rotations?
I’m not sure. It will depend on how long Ashley is labouring for. I am famously good at falling asleep in even very uncomfortable places like hospital chairs so I may nap if I have an opportunity. Zane tends to have trouble sleeping when he isn’t in a bed, but I imagine he’ll have to shut his eyes at some point. It’s going to be a long few days.
Are you planning to do delayed cord clamping?
When baby is born, we hope to do delayed cord clamping. The hospital Ashley is delivering at has a policy of 40-seconds of delayed clamping unless a) directed not to or b) there are complications. There is more and more research suggesting the benefits of delaying cutting the umbilical cord, so unless there is a medical need for the doctors to cut the cord earlier we plan to wait the full 40 seconds as recommended by our doctor.
Who is doing skin to skin with the baby?
If all goes to plan, I will be doing skin to skin as soon as baby’s umbilical cord is cut. From there, baby will do skin to skin with my husband. We are very excited to get all of the snuggles in. After all, this is a long awaited reunion!
How long will you stay in the hospital once baby is born?
It totally depends on how well baby and Ashley are doing! We have been told that baby can be discharged 1-2 days after birth if there are no complications so we’re hoping that’s how long we will be there.
Is Ashley going to be pumping for the baby/providing colostrum?
That’s the plan! Ashley won’t breastfeed the baby (that is outside of all of our comfort zones), but she has offered to pump for as long as she is comfortable. We don’t have any expectations of her to do this, but she has offered to try and we will gladly take any milk she is willing to provide for baby.
What about cameras? Will the birth be live-streamed?!
We are going to selfishly take the time to live in and savour this special moment. We will be sure to capture a few moments from the hospital to share once we are ready.
Baden
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